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Bainfest and Confessed (NSFW)

Tonight is day 1 of 2 for Bainfest, a small music festival in Marshville, Nova Scotia. Fellow Comedian Andrew Evans had invited me and Ian Black to perform at the festival which he performed at the year before with Andrew Vaughan, and he had such a great time last year he’s come this year to watch the acts and not perform, that’s how much he enjoyed it! So with that in mind I’ve come out to do a set on both this Friday night and tomorrow night, and I’m not sure what to expect but it’s a pretty swell set up. The show is held on some land that Bain himself owns, the man who is behind the festival, and he brings in a few local acts to perform and also gets to perform himself as he has his own band called “The Bain Band” and when we arrive, we are stunned by the amount of RV’s, Trailers, Campers, etc. There was a scramble for us to find a spot to pitch our tents up, and we actually had to move at one point because we were told our first spot had been reserved for someone and they forgot to set up some sort of rope or tape to block it off, so Andrew and I had to walk our tents through the makeshift park to another spot which turned out to be much nicer in the end anyways, so no harm done!

I was given a spot between two bands as was Ian, and as the night went on I kept wondering how things were going to go for me, it’s a new experience performing between music acts and I’m not sure what the crowd are going to be like, I have the added bonus of being a musical comedian so I’m not as big a fish out of water as another comic might be, but I’m still anxious. Now I’ve said this before and it bares repeating, when you’re a comedian the worst thing you can go through is waiting to go on, you’re thinking of your set, you’re second guessing yourself, you can add and remove things from your set several times while you sit there and as the time gets closer for you to go on for me there’s no way I can just sit there and think, I’ve got to be on my feet, and with the guitar also being a part of it I have to warm up and play a few songs before I go on.

So there’s me, standing behind the tent where the stage is set up, there’s an amazing singer/guitarist Christine Campbell (Look her up, she’s phenomenal) and I’m missing the stage visuals because I am standing at the back of the stage waiting to go on and not wanting to be too far so I can set up my gear. Normally when I play a small club or room my guitar is loud enough I don’t need to be amplified, but in this case I have to be because it’s a huge space and there’s a ton of people there. They have a box called a Direct Box that they plug my guitar into that allows me to be heard through the huge sound system there and when it’s my turn they’ll bring me onstage, I’ll plug into the box and away I go. But I have to wait for Christine to finish and as she plays her last tune and I prepare to go onstage she tells the crowd she will be playing her last song unless they ask for an encore…which of course they do! Her and her band blow it out of the park, and they scream for another song, so I have to wait through the encore which then finishes and she says goodnight…and the Emcee comes onstage and says “We can’t let her go without ONE MORE SONG CAN WE PEOPLE?!” and there’s another song, this time a medley of Heart songs and I’m backstage torn in two, part of me just wants to get onstage and get this over with, and the other part is saying “This band is fucking awesome!”

Finally my time comes, and I get to go on, and at first the crowd seems lukewarm to me, and they’re liking the songs, but I don’t think they’re clueing into the fact I’m being humorous; they just hear me playing guitar and singing and that’s it. It’s when I bring out the glasses and sing my Bubbles song about “Legalizing Prostitution” that they are all part of it and that’s when I got my best reaction. And I finish my set and walk off stage knowing I can relax and enjoy the rest of the night.

Now, I’ve had a few people say to me “Ooh Carey, you’re a comedian and you perform shows in front of lots of people, you must get a ton of women at shows wanting to sleep with you?” and I have to say no, that doesn’t happen to me, the younger comics seem to get attention but I think I look too much like someone’s Dad to be of any interest to anyone.

Until Tonight.

I was talking to Andrew’s Father, Pat, who was part of the security for the festival and as we were talking a woman grabs me and spins me around to face her and tells me she wants me to dance with her, so I oblige, and we dance. A few steps in and she gets very close to me and she tells me she is very drunk and very horny, and she wants to sleep with me. When it comes to me, if there’s one thing you’ll learn about me it’s that I deal better with women who are up front and take initiative, because I’m dealing with Low Self Esteem and I get devastated by rejection I tend not to assume anyone has any interest unless they are blatant about it, and this is about as blatant as it comes, but she is as she admitted very drunk, which means I can’t do anything. I know there are some people who will argue with me that her consent was very clear, she wanted to sleep with me, but as far as I’m concerned, when you’re very drunk you can’t consent so I had to hold back, I let her lead me out onto the dance floor where we danced, sometimes more of a grind than a dance but I made sure I let her make the moves and I didn’t push forward. When the end of the night came and the show was over her friend indicated that she had to go home and I tried to help get her home as best as I could, her friend at one point could see she wanted to stay and asked me if I wanted to just have her stay with me for the night and I told her “I don’t think I can” because I can’t be responsible for someone who could change their mind at any given moment, and I definitely don’t want to bring someone back to my tent only to have them sober up after a period of time and get upset because they don’t remember who I am and why they’re with me.

I’m sure someone will tell me I’ve lost my “Man Card” doing this, and fair enough, but if I’m going to sleep with someone, I don’t want it to be a sober regret, I want it to be a shared experience.

And all that on day 1…what will day 2 bring?

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